Archive for the category ‘best of the worst’

Best of the Worst: Luck of the Irish

By Tia Ayers

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bluespf42/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Siobhan’s favorite holiday was St. Patrick’s Day. So her boyfriend Henry decided that he would make this St. Patrick’s Day memorable by popping the question. He just hoped the luck of the Irish was on his side.

The two joined their friends on a pub crawl on the afternoon of the holiday. Because of the festivities, everyone was drinking, but no one more than Henry who had the extra anxiety on his shoulders.

The friends arrived at the final bar, which was to be their stomping grounds for the rest of the day. Henry approached the DJ and told him his plans and asked if he could use the PA system to propose to Siobhan.

“Awesome!” The DJ exclaimed and agreed to help.

Day became night and the bar was getting more and more crowded with people in green shirts, hats, shamrock antennae and more. The DJ found Henry and told him that he wanted him to propose after the next song.

With the moment approaching, Henry rushed to the restroom to prepare.

In the bathroom, he washed his face and rehearsed in the mirror.

“Siobhan, I love you, man,” he slurred at his reflection. “Be my, uh… Be my…”

The door swung open and the DJ stuck his head in.

“You ready, Henry?” The DJ asked.

Henry hiccuped as he looked over at the DJ. He gave him a wobbly thumbs up.

“Ready, ready, ready,” Henry mumbled, following the DJ out to the bar.

“Okay, guys. Before I play the next song, we got a special message from Henry,” The DJ said into the microphone.

He handed Henry the microphone.

“Well, my friends. We’re all here and you’re here…. and that’s why we’re here,” Henry began.

The crowd exchanged uncomfortable murmurs.

Henry spotted Siobhan in her green shirt and derby hat and took her hand.

“I love you, Siobhan. I love you so much a lot. Will you be my… my, uh, wife-lady?”

He bobbled as he tried to get down on one knee.

“I’m not Siobhan. I don’t know who the hell you are, buddy,” The girl answered back.

Henry widened his eyes and realized that even though the girl had the same red hair,  the same hat and shirt as Siobhan, that she was right. This was not his Siobhan.

“Henry!” The real Siobhan yelled from the back of the room.

Henry looked up.

“Henry, what are you doing?!” Siobhan screamed as he approached him.

“I was ask-asking you to be my married.”

Siobhan looked at the beautiful, emerald-encrusted Claddagh ring that he held in his hand.

“Henry, you’re drunk.”

“That doesn’t change the ways I feels about you,” he slurred back at her. “I love you all the time, every day.”

Siobhan looked at her silly boyfriend and couldn’t help but smile.

“All right. All right, I’ll marry you, you idiot,” she said.

The drunken crowd burst into applause. Henry tried to put the ring on her finger but he was seeing double.

“I can do it,” Siobhan said.

“No, no, no. I got it,” he insisted.

Henry stood up to attempt to put the ring on once again, but all the alcohol was catching up to him quick. As soon as he was on his feet, he stumbled back to the ground, passing out.

Should Siobhan reconsider her answer? Let us know what you think!

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This entry was posted on March 17th, 2010 under best of the worst, columns.

Best of the Worst: Downsizing

By Tia Ayers

Today’s proposal is written by Shannon & Tia:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/wallyg/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Brianna worked at an accounting firm and had been dating her boss Simon for a year. Even though co-workers knew they were a couple, Brianna and Simaon were pretty good at keeping their relationship separate from their work.

One afternoon, Brianna was called into Simon’s office. This was normal. Usually when she was called in, it was to discuss a client’s account or to brainstorm a strategy for making and/or saving money.

But today when Brianna walked in, she could sense something was different.

“Have a seat,” Simon said nervously.

“Okay,” Brianna said.

She sat down across from Simon.

He let out a long sigh.

“Is something wrong, Simon?” Brianna asked.

“Well, yes… and no,” he replied.

She waited for him to continue.

“You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s just that… well, we have to let you go.”

“What?” Brianna asked.

She was shocked. Out of all the things Simon could have been discussing with her, this was the last one she expected.

“Unfortunately, the company is downsizing and I was told that I had to let you go. You’re a great worker, but you’ve been here less than anyone else.”

“How can you be saying this right now?” She demanded.

“Trust me, you are the last person I want to be saying this to… I love you.”

Brianna just shook her head. Simon got up to comfort her,  but she refused his touch.

“There is a severance package.”

“Oh, yeah? Great,” she said sarcastically.

“You’ll get two months salary and this…”

He got down on his knee and produced a box.

Brianna thought she had been shocked before, but this was the icing on the cake.

“Will you be my wife?”

It took her a minute to process everything that was happening. She opened the box and saw a gorgeous ring.

She was so confused but when their eyes met, she only saw love. She touched his cheek tenderly.

“I don’t understand. This firing, was it all a joke just so you could propose to me?” She asked, calming down.

“No, Brianna. I’m sorry, but that wasn’t a joke. You’re still fired.”

Should Brianna accept his ring? What do you think?

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This entry was posted on March 10th, 2010 under best of the worst, columns.

Best of the Worst: An Arrest to Remember

By Tia Ayers

Diane always bragged about what a good driver she was.

“I’ve never been pulled over,” she would say whenever her boyfriend Steve got caught speeding or dinged his car.

Steve knew that sooner or later, she was bound to get stopped by the police. And he thought that her first time should be really memorable. He decided he’d be the one to do it. The only setback? He wasn’t really a police officer.

Over the next few weeks, Steve hatched his plan. Steve would rent a police officer’s uniform, follow Diane for a few miles in a borrowed Crown Victoria, then use a flashing light and siren he got from a party store to flag her down.

Finally the big day came. It was a Friday afternoon and Steve parked the borrowed car outside of Diane’s office. As she left work for the day, she got in her car and started driving home.

Even though Diane had never been pulled over, she did drive fast and Steve had to speed to keep up with her. Finally, he was able to get right up on her and hit the siren.

From Diane’s perspective, she heard the siren and saw the light. When she looked in her rearview mirror, she saw a white Ford and immediately thought it was an unmarked police car.

Anxiety set in on her. She immediately pulled over, mentally kicking herself for speeding.

Steve pulled up behind her, pleased that his plan was going so well. Little did he know that a couple of real police officers, Officer Hancock and Drummond, were watching from afar and something didn’t look right to them.

As Steve approached Diane’s car, she was frantically going through her glove compartment for her registration. Before he reached her though, the real officers were on it.

“Freeze!” Officer Hancock shouted.

Steve stopped dead in his tracks. He wasn’t expecting this. Hancock instructed him to turn around and Steve slowly did.

Diane was so flustered, she didn’t notice this and rolled down her window.

“Ma’am, just relax. This man isn’t a police officer,” Drummond told her.

Diane was terrified. She hated to think what this man had wanted from her.

“Diane, it’s me!” Steve shouted.

“Quiet!” Hancock yelled.

“Steve?” Diane asked in shock, suddenly recognizing him. “What are you doing?”

The officers were confused.

“You know this man?” Drummond asked Diane.

“He’s my boyfriend,” she replied.

“Well, your boyfriend is being arrested for impersonating a police officer,” Hancock responded, as he began frisking Steve.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Diane asked Steve as she got out of her car.

Before Steve could answer, Hancock pulled a jewelry box out of Steve’s pocket.

Diane looked at the box, then at Steve.

“I was going to ask you to be my wife,” Steve admitted.

Diane’s expression changed.

“You were?” She asked, tears welling in her eyes.

“Yes. You said you’d never been pulled over and I thought it would be a good surprise for your first time,” Steve said.

“Oh, Steve,” Diane said lovingly.

Drummond and Hancock exchanged glances. Hancock handed the jewelry box to Diane.

“Here you go, Ma’am. Guess this belongs to you,” Hancock said.

Diane opened the box. Hancock gave Steve a go-ahead nod, allowing him to place the ring on her finger.

They kissed and even the two police officers were moved by the romantic moment.

“Awwww…” Hancock said as Diane and Steve broke away from their kiss. “Ma’am, you can pick him up at the station.”

And with that he slapped the handcuffs on Steve and hauled him away.

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This entry was posted on March 3rd, 2010 under best of the worst, columns, featured.

The Memory Lapse Proposal

By Tia Ayers

Craig and Nicole had been together for three years when he decided to pop the question. To do it, he opted to recreate their first date.

So on a Saturday afternoon, Craig picked Nicole up at her apartment and took her to a nice park for a romantic picnic lunch. He had filled his picnic basket with gourmet sandwiches and a bottle of wine.

They sat on a blanket and enjoyed their surroundings —  the green grass, the blue sky and crisp clouds floating by.

“This is so romantic,” Nicole said.

“I know,” Craig said. “Just like our first date.”

Nicole raised her eyebrows.

“Not exactly,” she said.

This didn’t phase Craig.

“Yeah, it’s a much nicer day than it was back then,” he said, looking up at the sky.

div xmlns:cc=http://creativecommons.org/ns# about=http://www.flickr.com/photos/yourdon/2819393805/a rel=cc:attributionURL href=

The two continued eating and finally it was time for Craig to propose.

“Nicole,” he said mustering up the courage. “I brought you here for a reason. I’ve loved you ever since our first date. That’s why I brought you on this picnic… to recreate our first date. And now I’d like to know, if you’ll be my wife?”

He pulled the ring box out of his pocket and held it out for her.

Nicole was speechless.

“Um,” Nicole said after a long beat of silence. “Craig, I love you too. But I have to tell you something. This is not where we had our first date.”

“What? Yeah it is,” he insisted.

“No, it isn’t. We went to dinner at a seafood restaurant and I ended up with food poisoning.”

Craig scratched his head with a confused look.

“But, I could have sworn…” he said racking his brain trying to remember.

“Nope. I’ve never been here before.”

It was then that Craig remembered that this wasn’t the location of their first date after all. It was actually the location of the first date he had with his previous girlfriend, Monica.

Embarrassment overcame him. Nicole recognized that look.

“What? Wait, don’t tell me. This is where you took Monica on your first date?”

“Um, yeah,” he admitted sheepishly.

“I can’t believe this,” Nicole replied.

What do you think? Should Nicole forgive him or is this mistake inexcusable?

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This entry was posted on February 24th, 2010 under best of the worst, columns.

Garbage Disposal Proposal

By Tia Ayers
dishes

Mandy and Rex had an agreement in their relationship. She did the dishes and he took out the garbage.

But when she came home from a relaxing manicure one Saturday afternoon to a kitchen full of dishes, she reconsidered the deal.

“I just did the dishes this morning,” Mandy said. “What the heck did you make for lunch?”

Rex just shrugged sheepishly.

“Well, I’m not doing them now. I just got my nails done,” she continued.

“But honey, you got to. We’re having your parents over for dinner.”

Mandy sighed. Rex was right.

“Well, I really don’t want to ruin my manicure. Can you do the dishes?” She asked.

“That’s not our deal. Besides the game’s on,” Rex replied.

“I can’t believe you won’t just do the dishes this once.”

But Rex was already out of the room, back to watching his football game.

Luckily, Mandy had a pair of rubber gloves in the cabinet. She grabbed the neon yellow gloves and hoped that they helped preserve her nails.

The entire time she scrubbed the dishes, Mandy cursed Rex for being such a jerk.

“What is his problem? … I’ll remember this the next time he wants to fool around!”

As she put the last dish on the drying rack, she flipped the switch on the garbage disposal.

Rat-a-tat-tat-a-tat-tat! The garbage disposal rattled. She flipped the switch off.

“Darnit, Rex! I told you not to put your bottle caps in the sink. There’s one stuck in the disposal again!” She yelled towards the living room.

Rex re-entered the kitchen.

“You need to get this out,” Mandy said.

“But you got smaller hands,” he replied.

Shaking her head with anger, Mandy reached her hand into the disposal to retrieve the bottle cap.

The last thing she expected was to pull out a ring.

“What the–?”

dishwasher

Mandy was speechless. Now she knew why Rex was so insistent on her doing the dishes. He took her hand and looked her in the eyes.

“I love you so much, Mandy. When I think of the future, I can’t imagine anyone else doing my dishes. Will you please be my wife?” He asked.

Mandy was so overcome with emotion, she ignored his odd choice of words.

“I love you! Yes!” She exclaimed.

What a sight it was.

They were so wrapped up in the moment, both forgot to remove her rubber gloves before Rex placed the ring on her finger.

So Mandy gazed down at the ringed glove with tears of happiness in her eyes and noticed that the garbage disposal had only caused minimal damage to the diamond.

What do you think? Should Mandy have said yes?

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This entry was posted on February 17th, 2010 under best of the worst, columns.

Tattoo Parlor Proposal

By Tia Ayers

Penny was a little nervous getting her first tattoo. She had always liked tattoos but was afraid to get one. Over the last year, she had met and fallen in love with Travis, who was a tattoo artist, and she finally knew someone she could trust in giving her her first tattoo.

Travis had also fallen head over heels in love with Penny. From the moment he met her, he knew there was something different about her. He was honored to be giving her the tattoo and decided he wanted to make it extra special.

After some deliberation, Penny decided on the design of a one-cent piece inside a heart, on her upper back. She sat in the chair, as Travis worked on the tattoo behind her.

To her surprise, other than the initial needle, Penny didn’t feel pain. She actually felt very calm and having Travis there definitely helped.

 

div xmlns:cc=http://creativecommons.org/ns# about=http://www.flickr.com/photos/cjour/2413075282/in/photostream/a rel=cc:attributionURL href=For an hour Travis worked on the tattoo. Finally, he was done. He wiped it down with a towel.

“Are you ready to see it, Penny?” Travis asked.

“Yes,” Penny replied with excitement.

He turned her chair towards a wall mirror. Then he picked up another mirror so that she could see it on her back.

When she saw the ink on her back, it wasn’t what she expected. Instead of the penny/heart design there was a message.

“‘Will you marry me?’” she read with confusion.

“What do you think?” Travis asked.

“But, what about the–?” she asked.

“Penny, I’m in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, if you’ll have me.”

She was starting to feel woozy. Whether it was from the procedure or the proposal she wasn’t sure.

“I don’t feel so well,” she said as she blacked out.

A few minutes later, she woke up on a bench with Travis holding her hand. When he saw that she had opened her eyes, he gave a look of such relief and love that Penny knew her answer.

“Travis, I wish you would have done the tattoo that I picked out.”

His face fell.

“But, I love you and I will absolutely marry you.”

He looked up.

“Really?”

“Yes,” she said.

They hugged and she let out a grunt of pain when he grazed the fresh tattoo.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, baby,” he said.

He pulled out a simple silver ring and placed it on her finger and they kissed for the first time as an engaged couple.

What do you think?
Should Penny have accepted or did he break her trust beyond repair?

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This entry was posted on February 10th, 2010 under best of the worst.

Post-Op Proposal

By Tia Ayers

Theresa went into the hospital on a Monday morning for a routine surgery. “Nothing to be worried about,” her doctor assured her. Since her boyfriend, Alan, had just finished medical school, he was able to put her mind even more at ease.

When she woke up groggy a few hours later, Dr. Morris and a nurse, both in scrubs and masks, were in the room.

“How am I doing, Doctor?” Theresa asked.

“Oh, fine. Just fine,” Dr. Morris said. “The surgery went great, but there’s something that we need to show you. Nurse?”

The doctor gestured to the male nurse, who nodded and clipped an X-ray onto the  viewing screen. He flipped a switch, the screen lit up  and the X-ray was visible.

surgery“You see this thing?” Dr. Morris asked.

He pointed at something small on the screen.

Theresa squinted her eyes. She saw the X-ray vision of her bones and then unmistakably, the outline of a ring.

“Wha…?” she said confused. “That looks like…”

Just then, the nurse removed his mask and it wasn’t a nurse at all. It was Alan. 

“A ring?” Alan asked. 

There was a beat of silence as Theresa just stared at him in shock.

“Will you marry me?” Alan asked.

“Is this a joke?” Theresa asked back.

“No joke,” he replied.

Theresa looked at Dr. Morris and he nodded at her as if to confirm Alan’s statement.

“The ring is…inside me?” she asked in horror.

“No, no! We just put it in for a second to take the X-ray,” Alan assured her as he pulled out a small box from his pocket.

For some reason, hearing this made Theresa feel better.

Alan opened the box, revealing a gorgeous diamond. Theresa looked down at the ring that had been inside her body only a short time before. She was scared to touch it.

“Don’t worry,” Alan said. “It’s been sterilized.”

Reality was setting in for Theresa.

“Oh, Alan. Of course, I’ll marry you,” she replied.

Alan slid the ring on her finger. As he leaned over her hospital bed to kiss her, Dr. Morris snapped a photo to capture the moment.

“Wait a minute,” Theresa said, breaking away from the kiss.

“What is it, darling?” Alan asked.

“Did I even need surgery?”

There was a beat of silence as Alan and Dr. Morris exchanged an awkward glance. 

He turned to her and stammered, “Uh……”

* * * *

Should Theresa reconsider and decline this ridiculous marriage proposal?
What would you do?

 

 

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This entry was posted on February 3rd, 2010 under best of the worst.