Ask Grace: Mom’s dress is my mess…

February 18, 2010 | by Social Grace

Dear Grace,

When I invited my mom to go dress shopping, she told me she wants me to wear her dress. How do I tell her I don’t want to wear her dress?

From,

Lost for words in Ohio

Dear Lost for words,

Unfortunately this is a touchy subject and you are going to have to be honest with your mother. If you don’t want to wear her dress you have to tell her your reasons. No matter what your reasons are try to tell her gently and without being insulting. Remember: this dress is very special to her, so avoid comments that will make her feel less important or embarrassed.

If you don’t like the style because it is outdated, tell her you don’t want to wear it because it doesn’t fit your body shape correctly. If it doesn’t fit your personal style tell your mother that despite its sentimental value, you won’t feel like yourself when you wear it.

Another option is to take some lace or applique from the dress and have it incorporated into your own wedding dress. This may ruin your mother’s dress from being worn again so this must be a decision the two of you make together. You can even save the pieces of the dress so that they may be used towards your daughter’s dress or your grand-daughter’s. (For the very creative: take some fabric from your Mom’s dress and make some pretty pillow covers. Make sure you share the finished products with your Mom!)

If disassembling the dress is emotionally difficult then you can have a special saying or bit of wisdom that mother has said to you embroidered to the inside of the dress so that you have her kind words with you all day.

It sounds like your Mom is very excited to share this experience with you! Giving her options that make her feel extra special as Mother of the Bride will make up for the fact that you won’t be wearing her dress!

xoxo,

Grace

P.S. And just for fun: Check out Lazy Susan’s advice on this matter (but please don’t follow it!)